Author’s Reflection: The Continuous Journey of Authenticity

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”

~ Joseph Campbell

What is authenticity? According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, it means

"the quality of being authentic; the quality of being authoritative, valid, true, real, or genuine.”

Well, what does being authentic mean? Again, according to Merriam-Webster, authentic is defined as

“not false or imitation; true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character; implies being fully trustworthy as according with fact.”

How does one be authentic? What does being authentic look like? According to Psychology Today, some key habits that authentic people practice and embody every day:

• They take time to form opinions and perspectives.

• They speak their mind without expecting or needing others to know they are right.

• They follow their own internal compass.

• They discover and make their own path, which may be unconventional.

• The fear of failure does not hold them back from continuing on their path.

• They can admit their faults, accept them, and take responsibility for them, as well as for any consequences that result from those faults.

• They are more accepting of others’ faults and more understanding of others' actions.

• They have more balanced self-esteem, accepting both positive and negative feedback and allowing for improvement without self-deprecation or harsh self-judgment.

Why is it important to be authentic? Because authenticity is who we truly are, and is often buried underneath expectations placed on us by others and the world. Not only will others trust us more for being ourselves, but we can also trust ourselves and the path that we take in life. It also feels better to be who we are than to pretend to be someone we know we aren’t. So, in honor of National Authenticity Day, I wanted to explore authenticity and reflect on my journey thus far, particularly my growth as a mother and my return to myself.

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health professional or psychologist. Any information is intended for educational and entertainment purposes, and it is strongly encouraged to seek professional help if needed. If you require emergency assistance, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org/chat to reach a crisis counselor for support. This is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

The words that come to my mind when I think of authenticity are real, genuine, sincere, trustworthy, and true. Some people I think of when I picture a genuine person are Princess Diana, Steve Irwin, my grandfather, and my middle school art teacher.

What words come to your mind? Who comes ot your mind?

Take something of value like a collector’s item, for example. Often, an item has a certificate of authenticity that reflects its original state and maker. That certificate lends the item an authoritative quality, indicating it is genuine. Because there is a certificate, people trust that the item is authentic.

We are similar in that way as humans. However, it is not our birth certificate, driver's license, or other people's opinions that tell us that we are real. It is our inner self that tells us that we are real and who we are. Our authenticity comes from our inner authority. Who are we deep inside? Who would we be if the world didn’t tell us who we had to be?

The practice of authenticity is not a fast-track, overnight process. No, it is an ever-developing, continuous process that occurs from the moment you are born into this world until the moment you pass on to wherever you believe is next. Meaning it cannot be rushed, sold, or bought. Authenticity is priceless.

Our society, especially here in the United States and the Western world, would like us to think we have to get “better” NOW! Asserting that we are a failure if we don’t reap the rewards according to the “normal” tempo or timeline. Then we seem to be punished or ridiculed when we can’t keep up or when we don’t experience that feeling of “better” or “normal”. What if getting “better” and being “normal” meant slowing down? What if getting “better” and “normal” meant listening to your body when you do something you know doesn’t feel good? What is better and normal for YOU?

For example, I started smoking weed at 16 and cigarettes at 18 because my friends were smoking. In both cases, I was curious about what it would feel like. I also felt that pressure to fit in, so I wouldn’t be judged for not smoking. Smoking weed didn’t affect my body as much as it did when I started smoking cigarettes, but it still was something I was doing so that I could keep my friends around. I do remember, though, getting that first nicotine “high” or rush. While it was an exhilarating feeling for that brief moment, I didn’t feel good afterward. However, I didn’t trust myself enough to listen to what my body was telling me. I only seemed to care what others thought and how to keep them around, even if they weren’t good for me.

Eventually, though, I did get addicted to cigarettes and was buying at least 2 or 3 packs a week. I smoked daily until I found out I was pregnant with my son at age 19. I told myself that I wanted to stay off cigarettes after he was born and was committed to that. Or so I thought. I did end up getting back to smoking cigarettes daily about two months after my son was born due to the stress of my relationship at the time, postpartum depression, working with CPS, navigating the healthcare system for my son’s needs, and a lack of positive coping skills in my toolbox.

To elaborate on working with CPS, I continued smoking weed until I was about 4 or 5 months pregnant, despite the risks and legality in Texas. This choice would end up getting CPS involved later after my son was born due to a positive test result in his meconium. I will share more about my labor and delivery story at a later time, but in short, I had an emergency C-section when he was 40 weeks and 3 days due to fetal distress and bowel movement in utero. He had to be in the NICU for the first three weeks of his life because my uterus squeezed his head, causing brain bleeds, which ultimately led to his hearing loss. He’s a healthy, strong boy now who is deaf, but back then, I wasn't sure how his life would unfold.

It was a stressful time, but that experience did ultimately get me back on track in life and helped me become better for myself and my son every day. I still continue to learn from that experience and appreciate it for what it was. That doesn’t negate that my pregnancy and my first year of motherhood were especially trying and rough.

I was spread thin mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Thankfully, we were living with my parents, so my son was able to stay with us instead of a foster family, and I had help caring for him. But I was a shell of myself in the first year of his life. I would even go as far as to say the first three years of his life. I needed some way to cope, and cigarettes were a chosen vice. Despite the healthier options that were available, I refused to see or accept them at the time.

I smoked cigarettes daily until New Year’s Day 2020. Even then, I would smoke socially when there was drinking involved. It was hard. It was really hard to stop smoking and not give in when others were around. I can even admit that I don’t think it was until this summer of 2026 that I started making the active choice to stand firm in my boundaries of not smoking cigarettes.

It is no excuse, but I felt at the time I was not strong enough to keep a promise to myself. In reality, I always had the power in me to quit and stay away. The thing I thought would help me relax and take the edge off turned out to be the exact opposite of what I actually needed. I couldn’t see it back then, though.

“We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”

~ Barbara de Angelis

Now, 10 years later, I am reflecting on my motherhood journey and my coming back to self journey. I feel that they are interconnected but also separate. I’m not who I was 10 years ago, but I am. She is always with me, and I can hold her gently now rather than pushing her away. There is no need to keep her at a distance anymore, because I see the experience from a different perspective. Rather than not allowing her to feel and release, I was keeping her inside to relive the pain rather than take the pain and make something new. I stopped shaming her, guilting her, and judging her into being better. I allowed her to be and sit with her so that we could move forward together.

What happened was a result of choices I made, both good and bad, but it does not define who I am. It shows that I can see things for what they were and are, decide to make better choices, and that change is not a bad thing. Change, both internal and external, propels us forward and gives us the wisdom we need to forge our path. In doing so, others can see that they, too, can accept themselves fully, see their experiences from a different perspective, and move forward without shame, guilt, or judgment.

So now, I’m asking myself…

How have I been showing up as my authentic self?

Where in my life have I not been authentic?

How can I nurture my authentic self every day?

What parts of myself am I keeping at a distance that want to be seen and heard?

I want to focus on the keyword nurture for a moment. Nurturing means to care, to look after, to tend to, and to further the development of something. Can I shame myself into being authentic? No. Is leading with guilt going to foster authenticity in my actions? No. Will judging my past help me move towards my authentic self? No. So what then?

I must love me. I must care for me. I must look after me. I must tend to and foster my own development. Not through shame, not through guilt, not through hatred. No, I must love myself to be myself. I can’t rush the process even when I can see the vision of my wholeness. A wholeness that requires looking within at the darkest parts so that new light can be shown. Nurturing my authentic self requires love, patience, and acceptance. I’m not going to feel better, normal, or good all of the time. But I can always choose to love and be kind to myself to get through whatever is troubling me at the moment.

At this current moment in my journey, I’m learning to understand the past in a new way. In a way that doesn’t hinder or stop me from continuing forward. I understand that what once kept me safe is no longer serving me the way it once did. I understand now and will continue to grow in this understanding that turning inwards and being true to myself will get me through anything life brings.

Because of that understanding, I’m learning to…

trust myself again,

believe in myself again,

enjoy myself again,

be honest with myself again. (brutally honest sometimes)

With time, patience, and practice, I know that my relationship with my authentic self will get stronger despite any hardships or obstacles that come my way. I will always have myself by my side, even when I forget. My forgetfulness will lead me back to myself, where I can rest with love and without judgment.

So what am I doing personally to help me on this path? Well, I’m doing a lot of what people say to do, but most roll their eyes at it because can it really be that simple? Often, yes, the answer we seek is indeed simple.

On my path, I am discovering and learning about myself through

• journaling

• meditation

• engaging in childhood hobbies again, such as painting and drawing

• exploring new ideas and places

• wearing what I want to wear

• saying what I want to say and not what others want to hear

• not saying yes to every single outside demand

• trying my best to listen to my heart

• and most importantly, being kind to myself.

I listen to my head when it calls for it, but I’m learning to discern what is actually keeping me safe and what is limiting me. I trust that with time, my listening skills will sharpen, and it won’t feel so hard to be myself. I know that part of this next step in my journey is not only to be open and vulnerable with myself but also with others. This, I hope, reinforces the idea that being who you are is not shameful but rather brings a sense of inner peace from which you can move forward.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for being here. I hope this offered some insight, encouragement, or a sense of relatability that shows you that you’re not alone on this journey. Whether you are just beginning or have been on this journey for a long time, I hope the best for you and that your connection to yourself continues to grow in strength and authenticity. What a wonder it is to be true with oneself, with all of yourself.

My intention for Author Reflection posts is for them to be more personal than educationally focused. For that reason, I will likely leave recommendations on readings or other sources to dive deeper if you feel called to do so, rather than overloading the text with technical content. To be consistent, I would expect these to be posted on Sunday mornings or afternoons. We’ll see what the future holds.

One book recommendation I will make is Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living by Allan Lokos. I’m currently reading it, and it’s teaching me much about cultivating patience with myself. I always thought of myself as a patient person, but what I’ve come to realize is that I offer more patience to others than I do to myself. I believe this book will help me on my journey of authenticity, as patience will allow me to be still and listen to what truly matters.

Please leave a comment below with your thoughts. I’d love to know what you think about authenticity, where you are on your journey, and anything else you would like to share or comment on.

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All the best to you on your journey.

- Rachel